Lust gets a job
by Ashkenazi
Summary: Lust becomes a cashier at McDonald's for money. She buys a dress. She and Scar meet. Chaos ensues at McDonalds.
1. Lust's Cashier Duties

Lust becomes a cashier at McDonald's. I stink at summaries.

Disclaimer: I don't own FullMetal Alchemist, I don't own McDonald's either. I wouldn't want to own that place anyway... I wish I owned Lust though :-)

"Spoken"  
'Quoted by another character'  
_Thoughts  
_EMPHASIZED

* * *

**Out of the frying pan and into the fire:  
****Lust gets a job at McDonald's...**

Lust heaves a sigh. "I am SOO bored..." she says, walking down the streets of Central. She comes across a mall. "Ooh, that looks nice. I was getting tired of wearing nothing but black anyway..." she said quietly walking into the store. She walks around a bit before walking to the clothes she likes. "This would make my bum look big... hm, horizontal stripes make me look fat... diagonal stripes make it look like I have big love-handles... THIS... I would look good with this." She pulls it off the hangers and walks to the dressing room.

She pulls off her original dress and pulls the new one on. She looks in the mirror. "WOW! Red is MY color... I'm ditchin' black, I'm going to set a new trend with this..." she said, changing back into her old outfit. She steps out and walks towards the cashier. The old man looks up at her. "Yes, Miss, what can I do for you?" he asks. Lust smiles, "I'm going to purchase this dress here." Lust sets the dress on the counter. The cashier scans it.

"That'll be 50..." he said. Lust smiles, "Cheap, here you go..." giving him $50. The man clears his throat. "No, 50 GRAND," he says. Lust gasps and stares at him with wide eyes. "50 GRAND!" she exclaims. The man nods. "If you don't have the money, get a job at the McDonald's over there..." he said, pointing at the restaurant across the street. Lust sighs. _Uhh! I hate working at places like that! The last time I worked as a waitress I was almost kidnapped..._ Lust thought to herself. She steps out of the store and walks across the street. Almost getting hit by cars and trucks, but still moving at a slow pace.

"Hey, Little Lady, you wanna come for a ride?" asks a man driving by. Lust gives him a look of disgust. "Shut up, I'm not in a good mood man..." Lust says scornfully. The man still eyes her. "Oooh! Such an attitude! You're my kind of woman..." he says. Lust walks to the side of his car. "If you leave me alone, I promise to leave your car in one piece..." she threatens, scratching her nails against the car's hood. The man's eyes open wide. Lust's fingers extend, and slash through the shiny car's exterior. she smiles to herself and walks into the McDonald's. She looks around. "I need to get a job!" she shouts.

Everybody turns around to see her. The manager can be easily seen through the crowd. "You would like a job? GOOD! We have A LOT of customers today..." she says. Taking Lust's arm and pulling her into her office. She closes the door on the angry customers. "Okay, here's your uniform, go out there and take orders!" she commands, pushing Lust outside. She walks into the bathroom and changes. "Darn it, horizontal stripes make me look fat! I HATE this stupid uniform, it doesn't even look good on ME! And I look good in everything..." she complained, stepping outside.

She sighs, and she walks behind the register. "Uh, hello, this is mcDonald's, can I take your order?" she asks smoothly. Scar walks up. "That scarred man!" she cries. Scar frowns, "The humonculus Lust... give me a pepsi... sugar free..." he said roughly. She frowns,_ No wonder he's never happy, he never takes his sugar..._ "Why not a milk-shake?" she asks seductively. Scar nearly turns red. "No, I'm lactose intolrerant... give me my Pepsi!" he cries. Lust turns around. "Man, I hate this guy..." she complained, storming off towards the back to get a Pepsi. Sugar free of course.

"Hmm... I wonder..." she says, looking at a bag of sugar. She fills the cup all the way up with Pepsi, and pours sugar into it. HALF the bag of sugar went in. She stirs it in, and it still looks like there's sugar in it. "He won't notice!" she says happily with fox ears coming out of her head. She takes the fully-sugar-loaded Pepsi to the Ishbalan man. "That's $1.55..." she says with a sly smile. He throws her the money. "Keep the change," he growls, storming off and sitting at the table. Lust can barely contain herself, and she watches Scar from behind a stack of dirty trays.

Scar takes a large sip, and spits it out at the person in front of him. Roy Mustang. His eyes twitch, and he turns around and gives Scar a dirty look. Scar smiles. Wait, Scar smiled? "I'm soweee!" Scar says. Lust explodes into laughter,_ No wonder he doesn't want to have sugar! It makes him hyper! Hilarious..._ Lust continues to watch. Roy stands up, his hair soaked with sugary Pepsi. "YOU... the Alchemist Serial Killer... how could you? YOU TOTALLED MY HAIR!" Roy said, with tears filling his eyes.

Scar pouts, "Aw, I'm soweee... I didn't mean to..." he said innocently. He stands up and walks over to Mustang and gives him a hug. Lust walks back to the register. "Morons..." she says under her breath. Then a strange green-haired kid walks up to her. "Envy? What are you doing here?" she asks. Envy gasps, "QUIET! I'm hiding from those Crazy Obsessed Fans of mine! They want to tear me apart!" Lust laughs. He points outside. Hundreds of Crazy Obsessed Fans are stalking around outside. The COF walk around the restaurant, not even looking in.

Envy sighs. "Uh, I thought for sure I was gonna die..." Lust smacks him in the back of the head. "Idiot, if you wanted to, you could have shape-shifted into some other Anime character with no fans..." she suggests. Envy smacks himself in the forhead. "WHY didn't I think of that!" he asks, and runs outside in Scar's body, and the COF attacks Envy (In Scar's Body) shouting, "THIS IS FOR NINA!" they yell, ripping Envy apart. They look at the Envy pieces they're holding. "Uh, that wasn't the real Scar..." one of them says. They walk away, looking for Shou Tucker.

Meanwhile, the real Scar was sitting in a corner hiding from the COF sucking his thumb. "MOMMY!" he cries. Lust resumes her job. "Oi... so annoying. Hey, is that... no it couldn't be... GREED!" she exclaims. Lust hides her face with a red tray. Greed walks up to her. "Hey Babe... give me a milk-shake..." he said, with razor sharp teeth. She chokes her words, "We're out of those mister..." she says quietly. Greed slams his fist into the counter. "I WANT A MILK-SHAKE! GIMME A MILK-SHAKE! GIMME! GIMME! GIMME!" he cries. Lust slaps him.

"I said we were out of those SIR..." Lust says sternly. "I hate this place..." Greed says, walking off. Lust sighs. "Glad he just left like that... hey, it's Maes Hughes... the annoying man who always talks about his..." "That's my daughter Elysia! Isn't she precious!" he continues, showing Lust the pictures. Scar walks up to them. "HOW CUUUUTE!" Scar shouts into their conversation, nearly blowing Maes away. "Isn't she cutest thing you ever did see?" he asks Scar. Scar nods with a big goofy grin. _I shouldn't have laced his Pepsi with the half bag of sugar..._ Lust thought regretfully.

The two walk and sit down at a table, talking about how adorable Hughes's daughter was. Lust lets out a sigh. "I hate this job..." she says. "ALFONSE!" Winry screams, hitting the metal suit of armor with her wrench. "Winry! STOP!" Al cries. Lust walks over to them. "Hey I know you..." Lust says, as Al and Winry see her. Winry folds her arms over her chest, "You KNOW this woman Al? WHO is she?" she asks suspiciously. Al stumbles over his words, "Uh, you see, we met at lab 5... uh... before we left...?... Uh..." he said.

Lust grabs Winry's wrench and hits Al. "STUPID! IF ANYONE FINDS OUT I'M A HUMONCULUS, I'LL GET IN TROUBLE!" she shouts in Al's face. Winry looks at Lust. "Humonculus? You're one of the humonculi!" she asks. Lust shakes her head. "NO! I was just kidding about that..." she said with a half-fake grin. She walks back behind the register. _Almost gave myself away there..._ she thought to herself. She looks up. "Hello Lust," said a familiar voice. "Sloth?" Lust looks up and standing there is Sloth, smiling.

"Geez, it's been a long time Sloth..." Lust says. "Yes it has... anyway, can you get me a few BigMacs?" she asks. Lust nods. "A FEW BIGMACS OVER HERE!" Lust screams into the intercom. A man walks over, with some BigMacs and hands the tray to Lust. Lust hands Sloth the tray. "Here you go Lust. Hey, you should ask for another unifrom, yellow and red stripes aren't good on you..." Sloth says with a smile, handing Lust the money. Lust smiles, "I should, I'll see you later, and hey, if you see Greed, kill him for me, okay?" she asks. "Sure, I'll kill him," Sloth says, with a smile, and walks out.

Lust looks towards the direction she heard a crash. Scar. Apparently, he was drunk from the sugar, and fell into the dirty tray stack. "Woooooieee..." he said quietly. Scar looks up. Lust had her arms folded over her chest. "Scarred man... you've caused enough trouble..." she says, slapping him in the back of the head. He hiccups a drunk hiccup. "You are sooooo meeean Lusteee... wooooiee... Oi, I'm tired..." he says, falling asleep at Lust's feet. Scar continues to sleep soundly. Lust nudges his side with her foot. He lets out a soft drowsy moan.

She kicks him in the side, "OW!" Scar said, waking up from his sleep. "Who did that!" he commanded, seeming to be sober from the sugar. Scar points at Maes, "Did you kick me!" he growled. Maes looked away, "Nooo..." he squeaked. Scar points at Al and Winry, "DID YOU?" he demands. Al and Winry shake thier heads. Scar walsk outside and points at the Envy pieces one by one, "Okay, I KNOW one of you kicked me, which of you was it!" he cries._ Ooookay, I take back what I said about him being sober..._ Lust thought, locking the door.

Scar blows up some more Envy pieces. Lust returns to her job and sighs. "IDIOTS!" she shouts. Barry the Chopper walks up to her. "Hey, miss, give em some people for me to CHOP!" he says. Lust frowns. "#66... I think I'll kill you now, you are worthless to us, so take this..." Lust chops the Chopper up with her fingers. The hollow armor falls to the ground. Then the manager walks up behind her. "Lust?" she asks. Lust turns around, "Yes, what is it?" The Manager sighs, "McDonald's workers are not allowed to chop its customers... they aren't allowed to pour sugar in the customer's Pepsi... they aren't allowed to lock them outside... and they aren't allowed to hit them with wrenches. Lust, you ARE the WEAKEST link... good-bye..." she says.

Lust stares at her in silence. "WHAT!" she cries. "Do you mean I'm fired?" she asks. The manager nods her head. "Yes... you are fired Lust..." she said. Lust frowns and walks off. _STUPID WOMAN! Wait... I can just beat up the cashier at the store to get my dress in the first place! I swear, when I get home, I'm going blonde like that Winry chick..._ Lust thought.

At the Mall-----

"Give me the dress" she growls. "Huh? You need to buy it miss..." he says, looking at her long razor sharp fingers. "LISTEN OLD MAN, I'VE SUFFERED AN ENTIRE DAY IN MC'DONALD'S... I need that dress!" she cries. The man nods and hands her the dress. "Thank you..." she says. _See Lusty Gal? Why didn't you do that earlier? If you were more assertive, you wouldn't have to lived through Winry, Al, Greed, Scar, HYPER-ACTIVE Scar, Maes and Roy... _she thought to herself as she walked home

END-----

* * *

Was that good? No flames please. Tell me if I made grammatical errors or if I mispelled something. I just love Lust, she looks like Yumi from Rurouni Kenshin. I think so anyway. I don't know what the deal was with the hyper Scar, but I didn't really have any ideas I mind... (-.-)zzzZZZ I am sleeeepy! Buh-Bye.

Kuro Murasaki


	2. Unlikely Heroes

This is after lust gets a job. She decides to get back at McDonalds for making her suffer through that traumatic experience.  
**Warnings: Contains SecretAgent Lust and HyperActive Scar as an accomoplice. Expect some crazedness.  
**Disclaimer: I DO NOT own FullMetal Alchemist. If I did, I would NOT kill off my two favorite characters. Even if it were the end of the series. But I do own the said sugar... GRINS EVILLY

"Spoken"  
'Quoted'  
_Thoughts  
_EMPHASIZED

* * *

**Paid back in full, so no change left over:  
****Lust and Scar team up**

Lust, with her new dress, walks down the aisle. Hundreds of photographers taking her picture... Or so she wished. Lust heaves a heavy sigh. "Geez, I wish I had a ring to go with my new dress... or at least a necklace..." she said. Then she hears yelling. "THE STATE ALCHEMIST SERIAL KILLER! EEEK!" Lust knows who it is. _He's probably still hyper..._ she thought, running to the source of the shouts. No doubt, Scar was... not winning this fight between... he and a... tricycle. "Oh, you think you can beat me up, do you? State Alchemist, die!" he shouts, exploding the trike. Scar laughs maniacly. Lust stares incredulously. "Scarred-man? What... are you doing?" she asks.

He turns arouns and faces her, his left eye twitching. "Who are you? You are that sexy mama who asked me if I wanted a milk-shake, then I asked for a Pepsi, and you poured sugar in it and I got hyper then I spit on Mustang and said sorry and hugged him and got slapped and Envy ran in and was stalked by the COF and they killed him and then I ran into the corner, then I went to tell Hughes his daughter was cute, then I was drunk off sugar and you slapped me and kicked me and you said it wasn't you and I blamed everyone around me and blew up Envy pieces then you got fired for killing #66, slappin' me, drunking me... or whatever, then you got fired! Hahahahahahahahah!" he laughs insanely, almost choking on his laugh.

Lust slaps him again. "Owieeeeeee! Meanie! Owowowowow! See! You're the one who asked me if I wanted a milk-shake, then I asked for a Pepsi, and you poured sugar in it and I got hyper then I spit on Mustang and said sorry and hugged him and got slapped and Envy ran in and was stalked by the COF and they killed him and then I ran into the corner, then I went to tell Hughes his daughter was cute, then I was drunk off sugar and you slapped me and kicked and you said it wasn't you and I blamed everyone around me and blew up Envy pieces then you got fired for killing #66, slappin' me, drunking me... or whatever, then you got fired! Hahahahahahahahah!" he repeated, and again laughing like a monster.

Lust slaps him again. And this goes on for hours and hours. "SHUT UP SCARRED-MAN!" Lust screams after the 3-hour long arguement. Scar stares at her, "If you want to get back at McDonald's, join me... if not, I'll kill you..." she said, extending a finger to his chin. Scar nods quickly. "Okay, okay, okay, OKAY! I agree to the terms you set Mom!" he cries happily. _Oi! Did he just call me MOM? Moron... Oh well, his alchemic skills can be useful, I will dominate the fast-food chain!_ Lust laughs maniacly. Scar joins her shortly after. They recede their insane laughter and Scar asks, "Mommy! Mommy, mommy! Why were we laughing insane like that? And why are you wearing that nice dress? I want a new dress too! And why am I asking you thsese questions!" he cries, throwing his arms into the air dramatically. Lust frowns.

"Do I need to slap you again?" she asks. Scar stops, his arms straight at his sides, and salutes her, "NO SIR! You need not slap me for the 97th time today!" he said, with respect. "Okay soldier, I won't slap you... You're dismissed..." she said, turning her back on him. "SIR YES SIR!" he says. He starts following her. "Scarred-man? Why in blazes are you following me?" she asks. Scar shrugs and shakes his head, "I dunno... I like you Lusty! Can I help you kill McDonalds?" he asked innocently. Lust smiles her seductively evil smile. "Yes, Scarred-man, you can..." she said, putting her hand to his cheek. Scar blushes madly. Wait, Scar BLUSHED? Okay, he's getting out of character here... Suddenly, the sugar starts to wear off.

"Get your claw off my face you monster," Scar said, pushing Lust's hand away._ Uh-oh, I'll have to feed him MORE sugar next time..._ Lust thought. "Uhh, Scarred-man? What is it? You aren't acting like yourself..." she said, taking a step back. Scar takes a step closer. "You have been using me to carry out your own Godless will... for that you will pay..." he said, rolling up his sleeves. Then, a little girl runs by and stands between Lust and Scar. "Leave the pwetty lady alone, you buwy!" she cried. Scar takes another step. "Move girl..." he says threateningly. Then the girl snaps, "TAKE THIS YOU JEWK!" she shouts, throwing her ice-cream cone at Scar's... "AAHH!" he yells, holding his crotch.

The little girl and Lust burst out laughing. Scar falls to the ground and starts slamming his head into the grassy-ground. "Ow, ow, ow, ow! MY... Oooow! MY s!" he cursed. He keeps moaning in pain. Lust stops laughing, _Darn it, I just lost my only hope to destroy McDonalds..._ she thought sadly. She walks over to him and puts her hand on his shoulder, and the girl just stares. "I'm goin' home now, bye!" she said happily, after rescuing Lust from Scar. "Scarred-man? What is it? Did you go sterile?" she asks with a laugh. He growls, "I hate you, you meanie!" he cried, looking up at her, his bright red eyes full of tears. "Aw, come here Scarred-man," she said, pulling Scar close for a hug. "Shut up woman, I'll kill you. Besides, what would it matter to you if I went sterile?" he asks. Lust blushes. "No reason..." she said.

The head to McDonalds. Scar holding Lust's hand. Not like boyfriend and girlfriend, but like son and mother, talk about pathetic. Scar points at a ferrari, "Hey, mom look! It's a lumber-guinea! (I meant to spell it that way, Hype-Scar doesn't know how to say it.) Lust smacks him in the back of the head. "No baka, that's a ferrari! Can't you tell the difference?" she asked rudely. "Sowie..." he said. A few minutes of silence follow, and Lust finally asks, "Scarred-man, are you a metrosexual?" Scar looks at her wide eyed. (Scar FanGirls, DON'T KILL ME PLEASE!) "No, why?" he asks. Lust shakes her head, "You look like you would be... hey, but it looks like a lot of Yaoi fangirls like you though, they stick you with Alfonse... which by the way, is repulsive. But I'll go with it, literature like that these days sell... a lot," she said, adding emphasism.

Scar scratches his head, and starts to laugh like a crazed man with a Manic-disorder. "What are you laughing at now, Scarred-man?" she asks. He looks at her, "Oh nothing really! I just thought about something that made me laugh..." Hype-Scar said. "Oh, and what's that Scarred-man?" she asks curiously. He looks at her and gives her a big-goofy grin, "I farted!" he said happily. Lust sweat-drops. "Uhhh... that is gross Scarred-man... anyway, McDonalds is right over there! Let's go!" she said, pulling Hype-Scar by the wrist.

In McDonalds-----

Hype-Scar says, "Lusty, I gotta go poo!" Lust gives him an awkwards glance, "Okay, but hurry up! We don't have all day to blow this place up!" she said, pushing Hype-Scar into the restroom. In the restroom, Hype-Scar looks at the urinals. "Geez, it's been a long time since I used this, usually I go behind the trees... then they died! Okay, how do I...?" he asked, doing his... business. "Ahh..." he says. Little does Hype-Scar know that he is being heard outside. They hear a loud squirt. Then Hype-Scar says, "Aaaah, that was a good one..." another squirt. "Oh, yeah," he says. A few minutes later of 'Tinkling', Hype-Scar steps outside. "That felt good!" he squealed. Everybody stares at him and Lust. "I don't know him, I SWEAR!" she yelled.

A little girl walks up to Scar. A girl-scout to be exact. "Would you like to buy a cookie, Mr. Maniacl Ishbalan State Alchemist Serial Killer?" she asks, holding out a chocolate chip-cookie. Scar's mouth drools almost instantly. "I must have a cookie!" he demanded, snatching the cookie from the girl. "Ugh! You jerk!" she exclaimed, kicking him in the... "Aaaaaahh! The second stupid time today darn it!" he said, falling to the floor and holding his now sterile privates. Everybody points and laughs, "He got kicked in the balls by a girl-scout! What a wuss!" they teased. Scar looks up, and they feel bad for him and give him all the sugar within a 5 mile radius.

Ultra-Super-Hyper-Active-Scar jumped around with a sinister grin on his face, saying, "SUGAR! SUGAR! SUGAR IS MY FRIEND!" Lust covers her face with her hands. USHAS looks at Lust. "HEY! ARE WE GONNA BLOW UP MCDONALDS NOW!" he asks. She nods, "Yes, distract the manager," she said, pointing at the woman. "WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DISTRACTION?" USHAS asks. "Just go! Go Scarred-man! If you do, I'll give you a kiss!" she said, Scar settled down. "YAY! A KISS! I'LL DO IT THEN!" he said, running in mad circles towards the manager. It wasn't long until he gained attention. It actually didn't take long though, since he was crazy before.

With everybody staring at Scar, Lust made her way into the... bathroom? Lust, where you goin'? She gets into the stall and changes, materializing clothes from nothing. She is dressed as a secret agent. Secret-Agent-Lust walks outside, without getting any attention of course, and makes her way into the vent. SAL crawls through the vent in her tight catsuit. SAL is short for Secret-Agent-Lust by the way. "Now, where could the office be?" she asks herself, looking below. With the grate in the way, she could barely see. _Why am I being so dramatic? I could have just walked into the office like nothing... but who am I kidding, this is way better, I get to wear my catsuit!_ SAL thought to herself as she broke the grate seperating her from the office.

With cat-like reflexes, she dropped gracefully to the floor. She stands up, and looks around. "I have to make sure nobody is in here when this place blows up..." she said, activating the sprinkler systems. Outside, the sprinklers turn on. Scar looks up, "Hey, the sky is doing what I was doing a few minutes ago!" he says, poiting at the ceiling. Everybody gives him awkward looks. Lust starts making a bomb. She adds chemicals, and even some stuff that you could find in your cabinet in the kitchen. She holds up the creation. "This baby is water activated. It will explode as soon as water hits it. That'll give everybody plenty of time to get out of here while this place gets blown to hell..." she said, sticking the bomb under a desk.

Then James-Bond music starts plaing, and a dramatic cheap movie screen effect comes up, and everything happens in Ssssslllllllllllooooooowwww mmmmmooootttttioooooonnnnnn... Lust looks behind her, the bomb blew, and the flames spread very slow. _Everything is moving slowly... it must be a sign that something is going to happen in the near future..._ she thought. Outside, a man spilled his drink, and it fell slowly to the floor. _The cup fell to the floor slowly, it must be a sign..._ he thought to himself, as the drink slowly came in contact with the cold-tile floor, and splashing slowly all over the floor. The frycook flips a patty in slow motion, and it seems to stay suspended in mid-air.

_The patty appears to have stopped in time and space... it MUST be a sign!_ she thought. Lust reaches the door, and throws it open, "OUT everybody out! There's a bomb in here that is detonating!" she cried, and everyone runs out. Outside, Lust makes sure that everybody is okay. Save one Ishbalan man. "He... didn't make it, we're sorry..." said the man. Lust looked down. "Scarred-man..." she whispered as tears filled her eyes. She looks at the burning rubble. "LUSTY!" someone calls. Lust looks in the direction she heard the shout. Scar was buried under the rubble! "Scarred-man!" she yells, running to his aid. "Help me outta this crap-heap will you?" he asks. Lusts pulls him free in time to watch the fire engulf the last of the Evil-McDonalds.

"So Scarred-man, was that just fun enough for you and I to BOTH beocme secret agents?" she asks, putting her hand to Scar's cheek. He takes her hand. "Sugary Sure I sure will sugar!" he said cheerfully. Lust smiles. "Then you can help me by taking over the world!" she said, taking his other hand. "Okay, let's all go home, the fire department should take care of this!" one man yelled. The next day, Lust and Scar were in the newspaper. **HUMONCULUS LUST AND MANIACAL STATE ALCHEMIST SERIAL KILLER SCAR SAVE PEOPLE FROM AN EVIL-CONSUMED GOD-COMPLEXED MCDONALDS WHICH BURNED DOWN LAST NIGHT!** the front page read. Then Lust and Scar both became secret agents and saved people.

**THE END  
**For real this time

* * *

Whoa, I got attached to this story. I'm gonna make it into a series! Look for 'Secret Agent L+S' ! Scar and Lust will be in their own "save the world" type mission. And hey, I got attached to this couple, I'M TAKIN' IT! Yay! Aren't I gonna be the first one to write a Scar/Lust fiction? I sure hope so! That would be original! 

Some more things I'm working on:

Stickin' Rurouni Kenshin, FullMetal Alchemist, and WWE Raw characters all in one and see what unfolds there on. And some other stuff I will keep secret. I'm deciding to be a lemming for it. I don't really think people pay much attention to some stuff I'm good at writing, so I'll try to write in the same style they do.

Kuro


End file.
